I once heard a story about a fruit-tree. The purpose of a tree is to grow and bear fruit. What happen, then, when that tree bears no fruit?
Greetings to all,
once again another month just passed. Within just a few months, there was so much to grasp, but much of those were tools for the future. A future that many would say "bright" that I, right now, need a new battery. I feel like I am learning, but they weren't enough for testings. Half of this semester, I have been struggling to achieve the result of a good student. Again and again, the results (through testings) are constantly pointing me and looking crossly at me as to shout, "What have you been doing!? Why aren't you reaching what you suppose to receive!?"
Compare to other undergraduates within the first year nursing program, I should be doing much better than most, considering I have fewer classes than them. But, in fact, time after time, the result of each classes' exam showed me otherwise. To be honest, I feel much discouraged. This is only the first year of the program, but so far I haven't shown the result of my calling. Is this the test? Is this what I need to face? Many of you that read this would try to encourage me by saying, "You can do it!" Sometimes, it is hard to say, "yes". I know the semester isn't over, and I hope I can climb back up. Yet, I questioned myself whether I did the right thing to come here. There's a better person who can do better than me. At least, that's what I feel.
Again, discouragement does take control over me when things don't turn out well. However, it is hard for me to look back because of how much need, how much trust, and how much faith many of you have in me. I cannot do this alone. Once again, I thank you all for your sincere support. I feel dry, and sometimes, I just don't understand. Do each man has to go through the ups-and-downs? Isn't there just a smooth road? I guess this is my time to learn and walk through it once more. With hardship comes great peserverance. Well... enough of the sad feelings.
This is a note to those who might want to leave their countries in persuing higher education or something: prepare to be strong because you will miss what you used to have.
I am not complaining about such fantastic opportunity. But, I guess I feel homesick. Yes, once again. Sometimes, I wish I can just say, "There is no place like home, there is no place like home..." then, "boom!" I'm home(Cambodia). That would be awesome. But, anyway, four years isn't that long. Feelings just come and go. I already feel better by just writting all these.
There is one thing I learn as life goes on, "I will always find something I 'miss' or 'dislike'" no matter where I am (in general).
Everything I wrote above are not meant to discourage or bring any sad feelings to anyone. It is my journey. I am recording my life's story, so I can look back later. It is always good to be thankful in all situations.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" (Phil. 4:13)
Philippians 4:6
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
God's words is one of many contributions that keep me moving and pushing me forward. What a wonderful God we serve!
Continuing with the fruit-tree story... I am thankful that there's a loving and compassionate Gardener who said, "Give the tree some more time ..." (Luke 13:6-9)
Please keep me in your prayers. Also, may you please pray for my Pa who is the director of the orphanage I used to live. He is now in Germany, once again, receiving a special treatment for leukemia. I heard it is more serious this time.
I am sorry for such a sad update. I know that life is not easy for everyone, but it is just another experience that I need to fight through ...
In Him who gives us all strength,
